Answering Some Questions (Africa and such...)

Perhaps it was an attempt to convince myself I haven't gone entirely insane... that this "idea" didn't just come out of nowhere... in light of my recent news of acceptance as a Ripe for Harvest missionary I've found myself rereading old posts and evaluating my human interactions in general only to realize how time and time again when my heart cry truly shines through- it's Africa. Conversations in daily life where someone would ask me- if I could be anywhere and my snap response, facebook statuses written in a state of insomnia, posts written before I went to Africa this winter, seeing how my heart longed to be overseas even when I wasn't, and just the way I felt truly alive when I was there. Every attempt I make to talk myself down- convince myself this isn't a rational next step is met with a resounding: GO!

In light of this realization I figure it's time to answer some questions...

WHO: I have been accepted by the interdenominational sending agency Ripe for Harvest. They will provide accountability, as well as an administrative means to facilitate long term support.

WHERE: End goal is Tanzania, however, I am prayerfully considering starting out in Kenya where I have "family" and can operate under a further established ministry while learning the language and fostering the relationships I'd begun developing. 

WHAT: Orphan care will of course be a huge focus here I talk about a crazy dream/vision I have. One of the pastors Mama Rosemary had connected me with in Tanzania was looking to launch something very similar- part of why I'm leaning towards diving right in there even though it will certainly be a greater challenge (essentially building something from ground up)

WHEN: ASAP, but to be determined. I would genuinely leave in a heartbeat but am waiting until I have airfair and start up costs raised, as well as reach the 50% of my monthly support goal pledged. I promise to keep you posted as things progress!

and of course the How: I have some crazy dreams/visions/goals... they're a lot bigger than me- things I haven't even begun to elaborate on in regards to Network 127 and I definitely cannot make it on my own. YOU, each and everyone of you is integral to turning dreams to reality. Prayer moves mountains and that's obviously the greatest need. Prayer for wisdom in timing and direction, prayer for guidance and creativity... Then there's the lovely funding part- looking at going long term terrifies me, and that's a huge part of the reason why. I'll confess to being intimidated- but truly, honestly- absolutely every bit helps. Prayerfully consider partnering with me on this endeavor- here's how:

• Mailing a check: Make sure to include my name (Kristin Joy Svendsen- (Joy will probably work too!) and account #33) to Ripe for Harvest World Outreach PO box 487 Monument CO, 80132
• Electronic Contribution: There is a form available here that you can print and mail that will let you set up a recurring electronic contribution
• Online donations: there's a link for those here as well, my name should show up in the drop down list fairly soon
• Paypal: I still have my paypal account that I use for ministry expenses that you can access from this blog- and will be using that for things like airfair- however note that this is not affiliated with Ripe for Harvest so if you're needing a receipt for tax purposes please opt for one of the other options!

I'm heading Home

I've been silent for a long time... and as always it isn't that I haven't been praying, processing, and learning... if anything its that I've been so overwhelmed by everything the Lord's been teaching me, every challenge life has thrown at me that the prospect of converting all of those internal thoughts into something to be comprehended and shared has been a little daunting. I thought a huge door to be "normal" and have a career had landed in my lap- that door slammed shut. I thought I should pursue a big girl job- no door opened... I considered an aggressive stateside paid ministry position- and realized that the need is not the call. Being faced with practical, impractical, and crazy options one thing kept resounding in my heart. Africa.

I ran into a wall when I returned in may. People have asked why I still feel like I'm in transition... that's because until I started seriously pursuing going back to Africa I lacked purpose and motivation... I never really found my "place" here.... a recent status I posted on facebook conveys my heart quite well:

"It's the sloppy wet kisses baby Moses gave without cease, Sembeo's ear to ear grin when she wrote her name for the first time, reading the beautiful selfless responses those children had in devotions, hearing their lovely voices singing with mine, arms growing tired carrying babies, never having a free hand because someone was always holding it, laying hands on, loving, and praying for the sick in Tanzania, knowing I would lay down my life for the beautiful people i'd met and fallen in love with, waking up every morning knowing i was exactly where I was meant to be-doing what i was wired to do, and the tears mama shed the day I left... The way I haven't truly felt alive since my return to the states until I started talking about going back to Africa and the fact that I didn't just leave a piece of my heart there- I only brought a fragment back. These are the reasons why I miss you Africa. I don't know how long it will take me, but I'm coming home."

Today I got word of official acceptance by Ripe for the Harvest of my missionary status. Pretty soon this will become a living, breathing reality. In the next few weeks I'll begin the process of raising support- both financially and in prayer, writing a budget plan, and developing my goals/vision. It's daunting, overwhelming, and beautiful. Initially I anticipated spending the first year in Kenya where the project I'd be working with is far more established and I'm comfortable, however after prayer and talking with a pastor I worked with in Tanzania I'm seriously considering going straight there. It will be a far greater challenge- in a lot of ways I'll have to build something from scratch, however anyone who has been following my crazy life for the last few years knows that I planned to move to Tanzania to work with the Maasai Tribe and AIDS orphans- years later all of the puzzle pieces are coming together for me to do just that. God's timing is so perfectly unfathomable... and He does fulfill His plan, purpose, and promises over our lives. 

I let go of the plastic pearls- and what he had in store is so much better.

Jericho

When you're facing a wall it can be rather daunting... at times you get so overwhelmed by the magnitude of it its hard to comprehend ever being able to get over it. 

That's how I've felt lately... and possibly why I've been MIA from the update world. I have vision, passion, direction... but I feel like all I can see is this wall. I would stay in a heartbeat. If I could do absolutely anything, finances aside, I wouldn't be returning to the states. The other day someone mentioned needing to keep your dreams alive and I realized that for as long as I can remember my dreams have been a bit atypical, at 12 I wrote a paper on what success is and concluded talking about Mother Theresa... how no one could argue that she lived a fulfilled life, yet if we compared her life to the western standard of contentment you see a lot of contrast. Even in high school all I really wanted was to be a missionary, I went to college for a bit, but really more in an attempt to honor my parents... it wasn't really my calling. Wall: student loan debt... in comparison its not that much, but the idea of waiting years before going destroys me. Maybe its because I've had a few near death encounters, I don't really have the mindset of having unlimited time, I'd rather make the most of what I have.

Then there's the fact that the vision I have appears to be a lot bigger than me... so many details would have to come together, and I know I can't do it. Anyone who's followed my story for any length of time is aware I'd aspired to move to Africa to work with AIDS orphans... that aspiration has resurfaced a bit. In talking with Rosemary about my personal dream/vision I'd shared that longing with her and discovered that its an area that doesn't get a lot of attention. Many childrens homes can't take in kids with HIV because of the risk factors and the expensive care... Now that elections are over (praise the Lord it was peaceful!) I'm going to be spending a lot more time in the slums, partially for outreach, but also because at times you have to walk towards things and move closer to get a sense of direction. At some point I'll even be visiting Tanzania (how crazy would it be if I wound up there after all this time!?) the baby dream I have would be to take in a group of HIV positive children that haven't been able to find placement, finding sponsors for medication and such, then set up some kind of sustainable program with the single mothers- debating whether to do some kind of clothing, sandals, jewelry... Ideally working with skills and resources that are already readily available. I'd also do agriculture with them, that way much of the food would be grown rather than needing funding, the ones who are healthy enough to work the land working along side me... Also doing bible studies/house visits... there are some villages here where nearly everyone is infected, you never know when it may be the last time they can encounter Jesus.

My pastor from the states visited, he has land in Nyeri... and a great vision for it, problem being that I'm not sure that its God's vision for me... One of my greatest concerns is how far away it is from an area of great need. Yes, people can be brought in... but I have a hard time considering being so far away from the people who so deeply captivate my heart. 

So wisdom... clarification of vision and direction, that's what I need right now. I know where I want to be... what I want to do, I just have a hard time trusting that it's possible... believing that God can use me. The walls seem so discouraging...

His faithfulness doesn't depend on our faith. This is so hard to comprehend and grasp. When he reveals it in a tangible way its overwhelming... consuming... incredible! I wont go into all the crazy details, but I was waiting for God to provide... getting frustrated because time was running out, it was getting increasingly difficult to trust. I still need a miracle if I'm supposed to stay longer or return- but for now he's blessed me with exactly what was needed at exactly the right time. God is so good. I'm grateful for the obedient hearts of His people. 

Walls are intimidating, but the Lord brought down the wall of Jericho... all it took was faith, and the willingness to act in obedience even though it looked a bit insane.

Home

I had an epiphany last night, I wont be going home on May 2. Now before you freak out thinking I’ve already made some rash decision to change my visa (I’d be lying if I said that hadn’t crossed my mind) what I’ve realized is Minnesota is not truly “home.” To be honest, ever since beginning this ridiculous journey of stepping out in faith and passionately pursuing God’s purpose and calling on my life I’ve felt a bit displaced. At least when I’m stateside.

East Africa has captivated my heart, I don’t entirely know how to explain it… words don’t exist to describe the sense of belonging I have here. Is it perfect? No. Everything I ever dreamed of? Not entirely. Home? Yes.

Yesterday we visited Hashima, a ministry that was started to provide special needs children and their mothers with care and hope. It was started by a family from Edina that saw the need for this kind of ministry need and wound up moving to Kenya; the mothers make and sell Jewelry as a way to provide for their children while the kids are receiving physical therapy and education. It truly lives up to its name, which means “dignity” in Swahili. In a world where children with disabilities are viewed as cursed and the woman abandoned by their husbands this place truly treats them as if they matter… with dignity. I think what got me most was the beauty of seeing God’s vision for someone unfold… seeing what can become when someone is willing to say yes and go where they’re called- even if it doesn’t make sense.

I so desperately want this for my life. I don’t really want to be “big.” There is often talk of the Mother Theresa, Heidi Baker, Katie Davis types in the world…  At times people have even attempted to compare me to one or the other… They were/are incredible, inspiring people- I’d love for God to use me to demonstrate even a fraction of the love they do. I’m just me though… nothing extraordinary or different, I just want to make a difference for someone. See someone who was maybe invisible, feed someone who was hungry, love someone who’s never felt it. Even if it’s just one- they’re worth it.

The Best Gifts

Anyone who's known me for any length of time is probably aware of my longing to truly live among the least of these... I've said for awhile that I'd be pretty happy to wind up living in a slum or leper colony some day, people have often said that would probably change- they are probably wrong.

Today we got to go with Nancy to the Huruma slum school, it was incredible to talk with Nancy and learn how much transformation had occurred in the last year alone, as well as to hear the director, Irene's, story of how God's vision and purpose for her life had unfolded- and really became something so much bigger and more beautiful than she'd envisioned for herself. Especially encouraging as that's something I've been wrestling with myself lately... I'd stay in a heartbeat. I just want my life to be used by God for His glory- I dont quite know how that's going to unfold and pan out though.

On our way there Irene informed us of some disheartening news- two of their students had gotten pregnant and aborted the babies... in a ministry where they are fighting to empower children from the slums with hope and opportunity for the future this was especially discouraging for the staff, she invited Nancy and I to join her as she had a very bold conversation with the female students, as well as take some time to lead them in worship. The girls were enthralled by my guitar/singing... I kind of felt like a rockstar :o) What was particularly incredible, however, was to see how everything came together... I sang one of the songs I wrote at the end and Nancy shared her testimony- both of these things were referenced in Irenes message and turned out to be fitting... God does an incredible job orchestrating things!

After our talk with the girls I got sent into the informal settlement (slum) with a couple of the students to visit their families, one of the girls started asking me if I would be back and spend more time singing with them- when I told her I desperately wanted to move to Africa but needed God to provide the resources she informed me she would start praying I could stay... I feel like that's a serious prayer. I was brought to one girls grandmothers than another's mothers home- I'm always so humbled by their hospitality and generosity, within minutes they were offering me soda and food... inviting me for dinner- the second family even invited me to live there. The grandmother makes beaded jewelry that she sells out of their little tin home- they wouldn't let me leave without a bracelet... this is perhaps one of the most valuable gifts I've ever received- the person gave it didn't have anything to give yet gave it any way.

It makes you realize how the sacrifices we make pale in comparison... we are so blessed- yet so hesitant to share at times. Perhaps we have a lot to learn from the least among us...

Funerals, Hospitals, and Mzungu Mjingas

"What then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I found myself reading Romans eight repeatedly as Larry, Faith, and I made our way back to Kitengela from Nakuru last weekend... the series of events leading up to that shuttle ride had hit a point where I'd said to Ella, "With this many things going wrong you really have to start to realize its warfare... and if that's the case, God must be up to something incredible or the enemy wouldn't mess with us."

Last weekend I wound up accompanying the family to the funeral of Rosemary's mother, that in and of itself was an interesting cultural experience- quite a bit different from how we do things stateside! As Ella started introducing me as her sister I quickly realized that in a very short time I had somehow found "family" in Kenya.

We headed home the next morning after several encounters with politicians (at the funeral, at the hotel... oh election season...) however weren't on the road long before Nicholas (Ella's husband) started to get really sick- Ella took over on driving but eventually it hit a point where we couldn't continue to travel, we stopped in Nakuru so he could get checked out at the hospital where they loaded him up with iv fluids and diagnosed food poisoning. Larry and Faith kept laughing about my fellow Muzungus coming in and out of the hospital, (evidently I dont fit in with them) every other person entering was a sunburned sickly looking foreigner... I probably should've been a tad more compassionate, but they did get a kick out of me saying Mzungu Mjinga.

We ventured back out, but Nicholas was only getting worse- I suddenly had this painful realization that I should pray. Realistically, praying out loud and boldly for people is not one of my strong suits, I can be really bold and passionate about the word, but when I feel like I have to sound eloquent... I hesitate. I tried to ignore it, figuring I could keep praying in my head and then finally knew this is one of those stretching instances. I wish this was one of those incredible miraculous God stories where something instantly changed and he felt better. Its not. Obedience... trusting God with the follow through, and realizing you aren't responsible for what happens after you do your part and step out.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine from the states was due to arrive that afternoon, and hadn't- we were frantically trying to check facebook, email, and flight schedules with no answers so back "home" staff was waiting... and I was struggling not to get stressed.

Nicholas desperately wanted us to drop him off at his mom's house so he could rest... Ella decided to go back to the hospital to see about having him admitted and watched, turns out he had Typhoid and had she delayed half an hour they would've been planning another funeral. Arrangements were made for cousins to transport us back while Ella stayed in Nakuru but while they were on their way to meet us their breaks went out (see what I mean about spiritual warfare?!) So Faith, Larry, and a concerned about her fellow muzungu (btw, if you haven't googled that already, it means white person) somewhat stressed Joy boarded a shuttle to venture back. We made it to Nairobi with still no word on the Muzungu (Kyle) then Larry and I hopped on a noisy Matatu to finish the trip to Kitengel, from there we took Piki Pikis back to the house (motorcycle rides!) and arrived to find Kyle at the house... when his flight got rerouted it hadn't clicked to get ahold of me somehow but at last the insane weekend was over!

.... This is one of those ridiculous updates that's taken far too long because there was too much to share and I couldn't sort my thoughts- long overdue... so finally, this last week...

Things have been going really well at the centre, I love the kids and have been celebrating small milestones I've seen. Sembeo was able to count to 100 and only got 2 wrong on her math test (teacher Joyce was shocked!) the babies LOVE one of the songs I wrote, and keep singing it during class... I've also somehow become designated devotional leader, both at the house as well as the centre... all of a sudden I have 80 some disciples? I'm actually in the process of revamping the way devotionals are approached with the kids- trying to make it more applicable and understandable to them and the teachers love it. Perhaps the most touching thing? Seeing how many of these kids, when asked to write about ways they could be light to the world talked about sharing with the poor and needy. Humbling.

In other news, my heart hurts to stay longer... I just desperately want to be wherever God wants me, doing what he wants me to do... regardless of the costs. Time will tell.

What is Beautiful...

What is beautiful...

Knowing you are in exactly the right place at the right time, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

When I arrived in Kenya I anticipated diving in, but wasn't entirely sure what that would look like. Things were a bit hectic as the Directors mom recently passed away so the family's been busy with funeral arrangements. First surprise: teaching... they are pretty short staffed and one teacher has been in charge of both the toddlers and what we would classify as kindergarteners- all of a sudden I'm playing kindergarten teacher. Overwhelming? Yes. Incredible? Absolutely.

There have been a handful of moments where I really feel like I'm getting the eyes of Jesus... one girl in particular has really captivated my heart. Sembeo is 13, but is in my class because this is the first time she's ever been able to attend school- the tribe she's from doesn't value education. I watch as she painstakingly tries to do everything perfectly... she is so hungry to learn. I noticed that she was often struggling to keep up with the other kids so I've gotten in the habit of setting the work up on the chalkboard(yes we still use those here!) explaining it, then stopping to guide her and Zipporah (another newer child) through things a bit more slowly. She takes extra time to do it exactly right... and will notice her own mistakes and correct them- she's smart, just never had the chance to learn. Sembeo didn't know how to write her name yet, we practiced that today, and when she figured out how to do it on her own her face lit up. She stayed late just to practice, and practically skipped to lunch. Knowing that you matter is important. This moment took my breath away...

There is almost always at least 2 children holding my hands (yes- at times two will grab one- they're good at sharing) during their break I wound up with 20 children attempting to pile in my lap at once, and 2 standing behind me playing with my hair. It is perhaps, the best way to spend an afternoon.

There's already been a lot of talk about purpose and vision... Ella (the directors daughter) wants me to help organize a benefit show here- and there's even talk of recording an album with the kids- could be a fun project. We all sang together this morning, and again this afternoon... another one of those instances where you know you are right where you belong. Its already been stated that this is just the start of a bigger ministry the Lord has for me in Africa. Twice... The Lord only knows what will unfold- I just keep moving forward.

Beautiful is passionately pursuing your purpose, and helping other people find theirs.
Beautiful is holding a toddler who's soaked from an accident during nap
Beautiful is four girls crowding around to "plait" your hair, sometimes tugging a bit too hard, while singing songs about Jesus
Beautiful is 20 orphans singing the song "How He Loves" because it's true...
Beautiful is an orphans smile when they feel loved
Beautiful is the hands of an orphan, intertwined with yours
Beautiful is a 13 year old learning how to write her name... the smile on her face that comes when she succeeds... and the fact that she realizes she matters.

Life is beautiful.

Why Leaving is Hard

Almost every day someone asks if I'm excited. I say yes.

I'm not always sure that's true.

Last night my friend Juli asked what I'd do if I had the opportunity to live in Africa long term... I'd do it.

Why this terrifies me? because I dont want to.

There are two sides to every story and I think often times people look at me and see an adventurous spirit... others have identified me as flighty... the surface is deceiving. There is a part of me that longs for consistency, stability... I look around and see people advancing in career paths, starting families. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that. But I want to follow Christ more.

There is no way you can walk through something like this and expect things to stay the same. Even when I come back the world I return to will have changed... I will have changed. In a sense I feel like I never really know what I'm saying goodbye to when I leave.

And then there's the fact that if I felt called to stay, I'd stay- but I'd miss my friends, my family... my life.

Why do I do it then?

Obedience.

I want to be where God wants me- even if there's pain in the process

I've counted up the cost, and You are worth it.

Final Preparations

I made the mistake of looking back through old blog entries a bit ago. Funny how easily we forget who we are... and how your own words can resonate and convict you: 

"There's something about being where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing. Its my heart. I met up with my grandparents for a bit before the flight Monday afternoon, and as my grandpa said "See you in a month" grandma piped in, "You honestly think she'll be back in a month?" I gave her a funny look, but she followed with "I just know you and where your heart is..." My heart. Funny how far away I can find myself from that. When I first moved back to Minnesota I was yet again attempting to establish roots, convincing myself staying put was a good option- problem is, its not me. I guess you could say I dont want to just live in the world around me- I want to change it. My heart is for the orphans, the forgotten, and abandoned of the world and I realize it has been for a long time. I would give anything to spend the rest of my life working as an overseas missionary focused on orphan care...Now its just figuring out the long term when and where. So, we'll see. I know He's up to something- so much about how everything came about makes that painstakingly clear. Just waiting to hear His voice."

As I prepare for Africa there are so many details that still need to come together in the next week. On some level I'm terrified... a lot of people seem to think I'm staying a lot longer than may (beginning to think everyone but me knows what's going on!) Trying to finish organizing a benefit show, praying for the living expenses to be covered, dreading saying goodbye- knowing that when I return life will have gone on and it cant go back to what it was. Yet for the most part there really is an incredible peace that comes when you know that you are going in exactly the right direction. I know something crazy is happening in this next season, but I'm not entirely sure how it will all unfold- I just have to keep walking forward in the direction of my dreams.

Kenya 2013

"The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

If you've known me for any amount of time you've likely heard me talk about two things. Africa and orphans... If you want to get me fired up ask me specifically about God's heart for the orphans and the churches responsibility to care for them. I get a bit passionate. My heart? To love the least, the lost, the broken... there are so many children- most of whom, without someone coming into their lives will never know what it's like to experience a tangible form of love on earth. My heart breaks for the forgotten and abandoned- I wish I could somehow rescue every single one of them- but there's only one me. I just want others to encounter Jesus through my life, through simple acts of willful obedience, and let me tell you friends, one of us alone can't do a whole lot- but if each of us responded with love when we see a need imagine how different the world would look.

What does this mean? I keep passionately pursuing my God given purpose- keep running forward in this crazy adventure called life, wherever He leads me. Next step? Kenya. I'll be leaving in February to spend roughly 3 months serving at a couple different ministries- a lot of my time will be spent at the Brydges centre- a home that takes in the most vulnerable orphans from the slums and provides them with shelter education and training to become self reliant and skilled in the future, Bob and Nancy are also connecting me with some other incredible connections to work with a couple who rehabilitates a nurtures infants before they are able to go into an orphanage, as well as another who goes into the slums and works with the children there- this isn't going to be a fluffy trip... I'm getting ready to go into a world where I'll truly encounter "the least of these" I dont entirely know what to expect- but I'm prepared to be forever changed and broken in a good way. 

How you can help:

PRAYER!! Yes, this sounds cliche' but its incredibly true- the next few months will be intense and though I'm traveling solo I cant tell you how blessed I am to know I'm not "going alone"

Specific prayer needs

• Health- I want the time there to count! Pray that I manage to avoid any bugs that could detract from time spent
• Safety- both while traveling and living
• Impact- as opportunities present themselves that God'll get me where he wants me and the time will be valuable with a lasting influence on the community I'm serving
• Finances- holding a benefit on the 28th- that it will be fruitful and basic needs will be met, also that airfair surfaces quickly so my ticket can be booked while prices are still reasonable
• Each of the children I encounter- that they will one day encounter and know a God who loves them

Thanks for joining me on this journey, whether it be in prayer, financially, or just tracking the adventure! I appreciate and love you all more than you know!