I made the mistake of looking back through old blog entries a bit ago. Funny how easily we forget who we are... and how your own words can resonate and convict you:
"There's something about being where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing. Its my heart. I met up with my grandparents for a bit before the flight Monday afternoon, and as my grandpa said "See you in a month" grandma piped in, "You honestly think she'll be back in a month?" I gave her a funny look, but she followed with "I just know you and where your heart is..." My heart. Funny how far away I can find myself from that. When I first moved back to Minnesota I was yet again attempting to establish roots, convincing myself staying put was a good option- problem is, its not me. I guess you could say I dont want to just live in the world around me- I want to change it. My heart is for the orphans, the forgotten, and abandoned of the world and I realize it has been for a long time. I would give anything to spend the rest of my life working as an overseas missionary focused on orphan care...Now its just figuring out the long term when and where. So, we'll see. I know He's up to something- so much about how everything came about makes that painstakingly clear. Just waiting to hear His voice."
As I prepare for Africa there are so many details that still need to come together in the next week. On some level I'm terrified... a lot of people seem to think I'm staying a lot longer than may (beginning to think everyone but me knows what's going on!) Trying to finish organizing a benefit show, praying for the living expenses to be covered, dreading saying goodbye- knowing that when I return life will have gone on and it cant go back to what it was. Yet for the most part there really is an incredible peace that comes when you know that you are going in exactly the right direction. I know something crazy is happening in this next season, but I'm not entirely sure how it will all unfold- I just have to keep walking forward in the direction of my dreams.
"There's something about being where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing. Its my heart. I met up with my grandparents for a bit before the flight Monday afternoon, and as my grandpa said "See you in a month" grandma piped in, "You honestly think she'll be back in a month?" I gave her a funny look, but she followed with "I just know you and where your heart is..." My heart. Funny how far away I can find myself from that. When I first moved back to Minnesota I was yet again attempting to establish roots, convincing myself staying put was a good option- problem is, its not me. I guess you could say I dont want to just live in the world around me- I want to change it. My heart is for the orphans, the forgotten, and abandoned of the world and I realize it has been for a long time. I would give anything to spend the rest of my life working as an overseas missionary focused on orphan care...Now its just figuring out the long term when and where. So, we'll see. I know He's up to something- so much about how everything came about makes that painstakingly clear. Just waiting to hear His voice."
As I prepare for Africa there are so many details that still need to come together in the next week. On some level I'm terrified... a lot of people seem to think I'm staying a lot longer than may (beginning to think everyone but me knows what's going on!) Trying to finish organizing a benefit show, praying for the living expenses to be covered, dreading saying goodbye- knowing that when I return life will have gone on and it cant go back to what it was. Yet for the most part there really is an incredible peace that comes when you know that you are going in exactly the right direction. I know something crazy is happening in this next season, but I'm not entirely sure how it will all unfold- I just have to keep walking forward in the direction of my dreams.
You keep walking, my friend. Remember Isaiah 42:16. It's your Heavenly Father leading you, and Jesus Who is with you and before you and behind you, and His Holy Spirit within you. Breathe deeply through all the crazies these next days, and hang on. My prayers are joined with many others for you!
ReplyDelete