I'm in a spot where I know things are moving in a direction towards change, but I'm not entirely sure what that means. I feel like God has been working on me quite a lot in this short visit to Minnesota- I dont even know where to begin!
I've been longing to be back here for awhile now- two of my best friends are going through some pretty major life changes, and I wish I could be here to walk through it with them, but it hasn't looked remotely feasible to do so thus far... now I'm starting to see options. Things are lining up back here, now I'm praying that if it really is the Lords will for me to be here and walk through this with them that He changes circumstances down there... weighing options, for the moment time will tell.
Even if I do return to MN, I know it will only be a short season- my desire to be overseas is just increasing, and there's been a number of confirmations to keep pressing in that direction- strange thing is that I still cant seem to shake Africa as a dream, and I'm beginning to question if I'm supposed to. I talked to a man on Sunday who'd been a missionary in Russia for 13 years, he wound up praying over me, and then I found out that one of the girls that used to be a jr higher of mine has continued to raise support for me since I left back in the beginning of the summer. I'm encouraged... knowing that people still feel led to invest in the mission that the Lord has for me reminds me that He does in fact have a purpose and a plan in all this- I'm hoping that the right doors will be opened and that I'll press on in willful obedience to wherever He's calling me...
I'm starting to realise that I was trying to establish roots- but that they were roots of my doing, from attempting a relationship to getting myself in a solid job situation... not necessarily bad things, but not neccesarily God-things either. I think that when I returned to the states I was looking for a semblence of security, when really the only security I need is in the Lord- so lesson learned? I hope... Something opened my eyes, and I think I was trying to run away from the dreams and hopes the father instilled in me. I got burned and it was easier to just let go- In my conversation with the missionary on Sunday we talked about how missionary roots were different... and being "settled" when that's your wiring may not actually happen... I think I'm ready to dive in again and I have no idea what's ahead. I guess its time to dream again... praying for new opportunities- here I am Lord, send me. :o)
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