Its the small things with great love

Today had been a rough day- those of you who read my email updates know this has been a very challenging time in Guatemala... so much I've been processing... so much I've been learning, and just some trials I've been facing. It just keeps resounding- over and over, consider your calling. When I do that, when I ask- "What is my calling" I think, loving the unloved, seeing the unseen, caring for orphans, working with youth, worship.... and then I wonder, was what I had planned to do in Africa really going to be considering my calling. I love the boys- but- there's a huge but, my heart, my passion isn't for homeschooling them... its for loving on those orphans. New opportunities have come, and I've been praying over them- I can make plans in my heart- but ultimately His purpose will prevail. I know that in a matter of months I will be saying goodbye to all I know and love for this purpose, but now I'm not sure of where that is.... I'll go where you send me! Just tell me where that is!

In the midst of all this confusion- its funny how tiny little things can give you glimmers of hope- how getting a chance to minister to teenagers who've come to volunteer by doing devotionals can totally energize me (reminding me of my calling) and how someone can feel led to give a donation to sow into my ministry- and have no idea what a huge impact that had on my day. Thank you- I know you were doing a "small thing" and have no idea how significant that decision was... I was feeling discouraged and rather alone, seeing that was such a God-moment for me, it reminded me that there are people standing behind me, supporting and praying for me, it reminded me that God will provide, even when it seems impossible, it reminded me that I'm not alone. Thanks :o)

God IS good :o)

Ephphatha

To see the world through Jesus' eyes... how different we would be if this was the case, and how precious it is if He gives us a glimmer of it. On Sunday all the girls, their house mom, and I had been invited by Mirsa to her house for lunch following church. It's funny how when you're just expecting to have luch with a Guatemalan family the Lord can do so much more.

One of the girls is severly epileptic, to the point that most of the time she's stuck sitting in a chair for her safety, and literally has to have someone holding on to her all the time. Yesterday I was walking her over to her chair after helping her wash her hands and she refused to sit down- Donna and I weren't quite sure what was going on, but she took my hand and led me around the house- she just wanted to look around! The other girls had a soccer ball out and were kicking it around, and next thing I knew I spent an hour holding Delmy's hand so she could run around and play... and then I realized- this is being Jesus... that little girl, a frustrating as she can be at times, just wants to be seen- and loved... imagine if you were stuck in a chair all the time, watching everyone else around you live their lives. My heart broke for her.

Then I was struck with how genuinely the church this family was- here they were, welcoming these girls into their home- and it wasn't like a pity thing or a project... when they're there those girls are princesses... It was like Mirsa was having all her grandchildren for lunch. So legit...

So what would life be like if we really saw people and loved them the way Jesus does...

I'm not dead! Yet...

It's been more than a week since I last posted... and it's not for lack of material to share, to be completely honest I have sat down to write this blog for the past ten nights and then realised I'm simply too tired to complete coherant thoughts. Even as I begin to write now I'm doing it somewhat begrudgingly- so bear with me!

Things have been hard, but good. I'm exhausted- the little ones are up around 530 am, I'm with them until 10, then during weekdays head up to help with the Dvorak boys, done with that around 4, and then it's back to the little boys until bed time. No such thing as real breaks there. Especially now, a new baby arrived, and between the infant and the two month old I rarely have a free left arm, and often times one of the toddlers is trying to occupy my right arm simultaneously. I have an abundance of adorable kid stories, most of which have made for fun facebook status'.

Sundays in and of themselves are interesting, the boys typically watch with fascination as I apply make-up, and this last week were intrigued by my skirt... this often results in the best compliments ever- I apparently look like a princess :o) I'm wishing more than ever I spoke spanish, I love the style of the church and the way they encourage unhindered worship, but the message is challenging because I dont actually understand a word of it... with worship it's easy to not care about understanding, but when it comes to trying to learn something it can get frustrating. This past sunday I was blessed to get some time with my girls who I worked with the last time I was here- one of the girls, Erika, had her birthday on Saturday, and God totally used it to provide some much needed companionship, I finally had the chance to talk to the new house mom, and have been so blessed to get to know her and actually have fellowship :o)

Tomorrow will be my first day homeschooling the boys solo(typically I work one on one with one of them, and then teach music, art, or drama to all of them in the later afternoon)... we shall see what becomes of that!

That's probably the hardest thing about being here, the solitude... which is funny because I'm never alone, and yet in some ways I'm more secluded than I've ever been in my life... I need to be refreshed- praying for a break soon!

Free day... sort of... um relatively so?

Today was, in theory, a free day (up until evening) . Now keep in mind that I'm living in a childrens home, and that one boy in particular has my heart wrapped around his finger... and when he stands outside my door calling Joysh Joysh...( Yes, that's what he calls me) I just cant ignore him... and so, when I was attempting to write trivia for friday's, I did what I was warned not to do, and let him in... and of course where there is one there is 6(at least in this case). Fortunately I've learned how to say dont touch in spanish, because I had to use it a lot, and securing crayons substantially lowered the chaos... for about five minutes, and so I was juggling between attempting to get work done, and watching 6 boys. Fortunately all survived, and were exceedingly happy when my guitar came out :o) I also played some Britt Nicole for them- now that was a sight to see. Picture 6 guatemalan boys- ages 1-4, dancing around the room to "The Lost Get Found" high quality. The girls are also vying for my time (I was downstairs with them the first time I was here) so I wound up heading down to play guitar for them a bit as well- Jostin of course insisted on coming with, and looked pretty pleased with himself when he got to. His latest thing is sitting by me while I'm playing guitar and essentially air guitaring. After a relatively occupied morning free I headed to the Dvorak's, which is where I am now :o) Aside from being squirrelly on account of being stuck in all day, it was a relatively uneventful eveing- no ER adventures today (though I think that wound up being a bonding moment for Marcos and I... ) Looking forward to sleep!

Playing Mom 101

Today I got an introduction to the Centro de Salud (medical center) ,hopefully wont be spending too much time there! I took the boys on a nature hike (which here is actually pretty awesome, seeing as we're surrounded by hills, mountains and all sorts of gorgeous stuff) we came back, and Becky was feeling very sick, we wound up back out for a bit and were playing down on a hill by some peach trees when Marcos starts crying and saying his lip hurts- as far as he knew a branch hit it, so I was thinking it was a sliver of some sort and go up to get tweezers when I realise in that amount of time his lip swelled up. Went back in to grab ice and talk to Becky and Marcos, Roberto, and I wound up on an adventure to the Centro de Salud... Fortunately the allergic reaction stayed pretty localized, and they just got him some medication, but it definitely made for an interesting introduction to life here. We came back and Becky was feeling worse, so it was a bit of a crash course in caring for the boys- we all survived! (Minus the Bee incident) We both agreed it was an attack, seeing as she's starting one of the healing schools tomorrow... I was thinking about it on my way back up to my room though, and interesting how though it was an attack, it was like God had counter balanced it, seeing has this is only my second day in Guatemala... the timing just seemed ironic. Tomorrow it starts all over :o)

Guatemala

I've arrived and am settled! I attempted to write this last night, but about halfway through realised I was just too tired... It's been a busy couple of days, I spent more than 24 hours traveling, and up until traveling had been out of town for a wedding over the weekend and working around that- not a whole lot of sleep involved in that process! Travel went exceedingly well, I seriously was feeling like I had a lot of favor, I even wound up with extra leg room on every flight!

Wednesday I got settled into the boy's home, I wake up to crying every morning... and someone is always crying, and yet I'm happy- pretty sure that's the joy of knowing you're where you're supposed to be, at the right time, doing what you're supposed to be doing. While I'm here, a lot of my focus will be on the Dvorak boys, helping them with part of their school day, and watching them while their parents are teaching a healing school. While I'm not doing that, my mornings and evenings will be focused on the little boys, and the latest addition to the children's home Noemi Ruth :o) She's an absolutely precious 2 month old, who I'm already wishing I could take home... I'm sure there's enough space in my osprey! I've only gotten to see the girls that I worked with a little bit so far, but they were excited to see me back- right away they were asking for guitar, going to have to find time to bring that out for them soon! Juli got so excited to see me, for anyone who's seen pictures of my last time here, she's the one I had a crazy connection with, and also on the list of children I wish I could keep... she squeeled and ran up to give me the biggest hug!

Thursday morning was spent loving on the 7 little boys in the life home, and holding Noemi for probably an hour- then I went up to meet with Becky and talk over "business" followed by working on a mural with the boys and some time outside- I can already see how there will be some challenges- the boys are high energy, very creative, and have differing strengths. I think once I'm settled in and familiar with them it will be a lot easier, but I know there'll be challenges... time will tell I guess :o)

Today I woke up to the noise of crying again- and again I must be insane because I like it... held noemi for a bit until she fell asleep and have spent quite a bit of time with a boy named Jostin- pretty soon I'm heading up to the Dvorak's, we'll see what today holds :o)

Occasionally I step back, and look at my life- and I myself find it somewhat ridiculous... Here I sit in the Los Angelas airport, waiting for my overnight flight to Mexico city, where I will then get on my final of four flights and head to Guatemala. The fact that I booked such a complex travel arrangement, and nothing quirky has happened yet, is a God-thing in itself! (Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon!)

This is the brief, nutshell sumary of my excellent little adventure (I do like to find adventure- even on layovers :o)) I got off the plane and ran into a man who works for a company that does VIP greets for celebrities and such- I suppose at that point I looked rather ridiculous, since I had a 60L osprey pack, a small technical pack, the ovation, and a purse... but he asked if I needed help, I've done this enough that I'm over trying to figure it out one my own- he was directing me to the correct terminal, and then next thing I know, he bought me lunch :o) After free food from a VIP greet guy (Maybe this is a sign of things to come... or maybe I'm already famous in one of those truman show situations....) I went up to the ticket agent... my flight wasn't for twelve hours, and typically they have a pretty strict policy about not allowing early check in- I lobbied my case fairly convincingly though (or we can say it was favor again...) and they let me check my bags- with a slightly lighter load, I was off! I took a bus into Santa Monica, (the bus driver let me ride for free?) and managed to find my way to the ocean :o) I was pretty excited about that- it made for an amazing quiet time! Not only did I manage to wonder around Santa Monica all afternoon, but I'm successfully back at LAX, waiting for my next round of flights.... Tomorrow I'll be in Guatemala!

I'm still not sure how this is all going to work out financially- I pretty much dropped my life, wont have an income for the next two months, and may not have a job when I get back... I'm not entirely sure how I'm even covering this, and I still have the looming africa move in the future... and yet I'm not worried(at least not at the moment... it seams to come in spurts :o)) I know that it will all work out, and when all is said and done, I'll have some pretty crazy stories :o)

Love is a life

As I wondered the streets of Santa Monica during my 12 hour layover at LAX- I couldn't help but think of the words to the Carrie Underwood song "Change." It seemed like every corner was another person desperate for something more... Now we could go into the debate of the legitmacy of these individuals- but today, as my heart broke everytime I saw another cardboard sign, I realised... it doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter if they're homeless or not, it doesn't really matter if it's a scam, or if they're just too "lazy" to get a job. First of all, it's not our responsibility to delegate where money goes, it doesn't really belong to us, it belongs to the God, who blessed us with it, and if we feel led to give, then it's out of our hands- then it's between that individual and God- though honestly I'm going off on a side tangent... what I really want to talk about is the fact, that those people ARE people in need, even if they dont have starving mouths to feed at home, even if they aren't out of work, or trying to raise money for a lung operation... there is something that drives a person to that point- and it's a need, the need to be loved, and seen... we have the ability to change the world with the little things we do, the small conversations, I'm not even saying you need to give money to every person you see on a street corner, that would be ridiculous- but think about what a difference you could make in their world if you asked their story, looked them in the eye- showed them they're worth loving... what a difference we could have simply by being wililng to see people, and acknowledge them as having worth... Christ died for them, so I think they're worth a lot.

What'cha gonna do with the 36 cents

Sticky with Coke on your floorboard
When a woman on the street is huddle in the cold
On a sidewalk vent trying to keep warm
Do you call her over hand her the change
Ask her a story ask her her name
Or do you tell yourself

You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world

What'cha gonna do when you're watching t.v.
And an ad comes on
Yeah you know the kind
Flashin' up pictures of a child in need
For a dime a day you can save a life
Do you call the number reach out a hand
Or do you change the channel call it a scam
Or do you tell yourself

You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Don't you listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world

The worlds so big it could break your heart
And you just wanna help
But not sure where to start
so you close your eyes
Send up a prayer into the dark

You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool to believe
To can change the world
Oh the smallest thing can all the difference
Love is alive
Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool
Just a fool
To believe you can change the world

There are no great things... only small things with great love

Small things with great love- that's my heart... And I'm coming to an increasing realization that I shouldn't expect people to understand. The past few days have been rough- the decision to go to Guatemala came rather suddenly, and most have been asking why- you're skipping out on your life to do what? That cant be in your best interest! What's in Guatemala.... The list goes on, and it's hard to explain- yes I'm scared, yes I'm a bit sad, yes I'm going to miss people, no I wont have an income- and I may not have a job when I get back. And yet I'm going- because I know that what's in store for me there is better than anything I can comprehend or imagine... I've always liked pearls, and currently have only been able to own the fake kind- but it's like someone has real pearls for me, I just have to be willing to let go of my pretty fake ones... I have to trust, and let go of things that seem nice and wonderful right now- because what God has in store for me is unfathomably more. And I know that apart from him I am nothing- I also know that I really cant do any of this on my own... but I'm not alone and that's beautiful. A good friend of mine recently asked when I was going to start living for myself- but I'd rather live for Him... Living for me would be like staying fixated on those plastic pearls. Because it's all I know, and I like them- I'm content- but that contentment quickly becomes complacency. They're nice and I like them, but I dont care. I want to care- I want to deeply care- and I want to radiate great love because without that I am nothing. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3