Ice Cream Lady

Today was one of those days where I felt like God was speaking to me in little ways... over and over again.

It started with the behind the wheel man... (which by the way- drove on the interstate today and didn't die/kill anyone... success :o) ) I'm not entirely sure how we got onto the subject... perhaps it was my tattoos, perhaps it was how I wound up in Knoxville- but faith came up- and two simple little questions that I couldn't answer kind of smacked me upside the head. 1) What have you been reading lately... yeah- about that, I was reading James.... awhile ago. 2) What did the pastor speak on at church this week... well this week I opted for bedside baptist due to the fact that I get out of work at 130 AM and never get to bed until 3 or later... yeah- excuses... so thank you behind the wheel man... yeah- I need to reprioritize yet again. Point made.

And then there was the ice cream lady. I am a bartender. The past few nights this lady has been in, she's really quiet, comes in late, and sits at my bar eating ice cream and drinking water. Anyone see what's wrong with this picture? Ice cream+ water= well I don't know what they equal but I'm pretty sure it's not bar. Anyhow, after seeing her after night I was a) kind of annoyed and b) taking to calling her "Ice Cream Lady." And then it hit me- Ice Cream Lady is a person (revolutionary right?!?) But really, she has a name, she has a story, and more importantly- she has a soul... and all of a sudden as I'm pouring the last few beers of the night and breaking down the bar my heart broke... I started seeing her in a different light- perhaps God just gave me his eyes for a second, but I started to realise how hurt she is and how desperately she needs someone to know her name- recognize her as having worth... She seems lonely and I know there've been things that have made her who she is... hopefully it's not to late to learn them. Smacked upside the head once again- Ice Cream Lady's name is Brandy...

Let me fly....

When you're a creature designed to fly it's rather frustrating to be stuck in a cage on a perch... that's about how I feel right now. Staying put is not my forte- especially in this state. I realised just how out of my element I was today when I was telling one of my bar regulars how I really wish I could go to Romania for Christmas (the organization I went with the first time has a Christmas trip they do- you leave the day after Christmas and stay through the new year to help bring Christmas to the orphans) I really wish it had hit me sooner- if I had the time to secure the funds I'd be there in a heart beat. Anyhow, Nate- they regular looks at me and says, "I dont think I've ever seen you this excited about something..." Ouch... normally, when people know me they think I'm full of life and energetic, I haven't been lately... its hard not to fly.

Dear Blog, I've missed you....

I'm not entirely sure how a week away from my blog becomes a month... but before you know it it's mid November and your last entry was posted at the end of July. This is what we call falling off the face of the planet. Looking back on my old blog, I do have a tendency of ending it right in the middle of things- I'm fairly certain I posted an entry in which I was homeless in Menomonie Wisconsin, never to return to blog-follower's perspectives until I left for Guatemala... in all actuality within that time I interned at a church, led worship for cru, auditioned for a band, moved to Missouri, visited Guatemala, and moved back to Minnesota- can we say I have a slight tendency of leaving gaps?

Now to catch you up to current life- I am in fact, no longer living on Katie and Jon's couch- in fact I moved out a few months ago into a cute little condo where I currently reside with my crazy pup Lyric. I'm pretty much living at Brixx Pizza, bartending there five nights a week, recently I visited Minnesota for a few days- one of those things that was good, but left me more frustrated upon return. One of my best friends is going through a pretty ridiculous life change- had I known about this prior to signing a lease I probably wouldn't have... but now my heart hurts wanting to walk through it with her- Pretty much everyone who knows about the situation thinks it's acceptable to just plan to be there for set dates- but I've been trying to pray about God's heart in the situation... and thinking of where Jesus would be in it. Is it completely unreasonable to contemplate laying aside my current goals/dreams to minister to someone right in front of me? I think it may be... I talked over things with a couple of the ladies from my Minnesota bible study... and it's something I need to keep praying about- time will tell at this point I suppose.

For any of you avid facebook stalkers out there- yes, I was in a relationship, and no, I'm not anymore. Nothing was wrong with it, he's an incredible guy with an amazing heart... I just realised I was trying to make something I wanted happen in a way that made sense to me, rather than waiting on God's timing and His will. Letting go again... funny how many times I have to relearn to do that.

So where am I now? Where's my heart... my heart wants to be somewhere doing something!! I find myself often wandering to travel sights and dreaming of adventures to be had- but for now- this is where I am. Welcome to the waiting room.