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I had an epiphany last night, I wont be going home on May 2. Now before you freak out thinking I’ve already made some rash decision to change my visa (I’d be lying if I said that hadn’t crossed my mind) what I’ve realized is Minnesota is not truly “home.” To be honest, ever since beginning this ridiculous journey of stepping out in faith and passionately pursuing God’s purpose and calling on my life I’ve felt a bit displaced. At least when I’m stateside.

East Africa has captivated my heart, I don’t entirely know how to explain it… words don’t exist to describe the sense of belonging I have here. Is it perfect? No. Everything I ever dreamed of? Not entirely. Home? Yes.

Yesterday we visited Hashima, a ministry that was started to provide special needs children and their mothers with care and hope. It was started by a family from Edina that saw the need for this kind of ministry need and wound up moving to Kenya; the mothers make and sell Jewelry as a way to provide for their children while the kids are receiving physical therapy and education. It truly lives up to its name, which means “dignity” in Swahili. In a world where children with disabilities are viewed as cursed and the woman abandoned by their husbands this place truly treats them as if they matter… with dignity. I think what got me most was the beauty of seeing God’s vision for someone unfold… seeing what can become when someone is willing to say yes and go where they’re called- even if it doesn’t make sense.

I so desperately want this for my life. I don’t really want to be “big.” There is often talk of the Mother Theresa, Heidi Baker, Katie Davis types in the world…  At times people have even attempted to compare me to one or the other… They were/are incredible, inspiring people- I’d love for God to use me to demonstrate even a fraction of the love they do. I’m just me though… nothing extraordinary or different, I just want to make a difference for someone. See someone who was maybe invisible, feed someone who was hungry, love someone who’s never felt it. Even if it’s just one- they’re worth it.

The Best Gifts

Anyone who's known me for any length of time is probably aware of my longing to truly live among the least of these... I've said for awhile that I'd be pretty happy to wind up living in a slum or leper colony some day, people have often said that would probably change- they are probably wrong.

Today we got to go with Nancy to the Huruma slum school, it was incredible to talk with Nancy and learn how much transformation had occurred in the last year alone, as well as to hear the director, Irene's, story of how God's vision and purpose for her life had unfolded- and really became something so much bigger and more beautiful than she'd envisioned for herself. Especially encouraging as that's something I've been wrestling with myself lately... I'd stay in a heartbeat. I just want my life to be used by God for His glory- I dont quite know how that's going to unfold and pan out though.

On our way there Irene informed us of some disheartening news- two of their students had gotten pregnant and aborted the babies... in a ministry where they are fighting to empower children from the slums with hope and opportunity for the future this was especially discouraging for the staff, she invited Nancy and I to join her as she had a very bold conversation with the female students, as well as take some time to lead them in worship. The girls were enthralled by my guitar/singing... I kind of felt like a rockstar :o) What was particularly incredible, however, was to see how everything came together... I sang one of the songs I wrote at the end and Nancy shared her testimony- both of these things were referenced in Irenes message and turned out to be fitting... God does an incredible job orchestrating things!

After our talk with the girls I got sent into the informal settlement (slum) with a couple of the students to visit their families, one of the girls started asking me if I would be back and spend more time singing with them- when I told her I desperately wanted to move to Africa but needed God to provide the resources she informed me she would start praying I could stay... I feel like that's a serious prayer. I was brought to one girls grandmothers than another's mothers home- I'm always so humbled by their hospitality and generosity, within minutes they were offering me soda and food... inviting me for dinner- the second family even invited me to live there. The grandmother makes beaded jewelry that she sells out of their little tin home- they wouldn't let me leave without a bracelet... this is perhaps one of the most valuable gifts I've ever received- the person gave it didn't have anything to give yet gave it any way.

It makes you realize how the sacrifices we make pale in comparison... we are so blessed- yet so hesitant to share at times. Perhaps we have a lot to learn from the least among us...

Funerals, Hospitals, and Mzungu Mjingas

"What then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

I found myself reading Romans eight repeatedly as Larry, Faith, and I made our way back to Kitengela from Nakuru last weekend... the series of events leading up to that shuttle ride had hit a point where I'd said to Ella, "With this many things going wrong you really have to start to realize its warfare... and if that's the case, God must be up to something incredible or the enemy wouldn't mess with us."

Last weekend I wound up accompanying the family to the funeral of Rosemary's mother, that in and of itself was an interesting cultural experience- quite a bit different from how we do things stateside! As Ella started introducing me as her sister I quickly realized that in a very short time I had somehow found "family" in Kenya.

We headed home the next morning after several encounters with politicians (at the funeral, at the hotel... oh election season...) however weren't on the road long before Nicholas (Ella's husband) started to get really sick- Ella took over on driving but eventually it hit a point where we couldn't continue to travel, we stopped in Nakuru so he could get checked out at the hospital where they loaded him up with iv fluids and diagnosed food poisoning. Larry and Faith kept laughing about my fellow Muzungus coming in and out of the hospital, (evidently I dont fit in with them) every other person entering was a sunburned sickly looking foreigner... I probably should've been a tad more compassionate, but they did get a kick out of me saying Mzungu Mjinga.

We ventured back out, but Nicholas was only getting worse- I suddenly had this painful realization that I should pray. Realistically, praying out loud and boldly for people is not one of my strong suits, I can be really bold and passionate about the word, but when I feel like I have to sound eloquent... I hesitate. I tried to ignore it, figuring I could keep praying in my head and then finally knew this is one of those stretching instances. I wish this was one of those incredible miraculous God stories where something instantly changed and he felt better. Its not. Obedience... trusting God with the follow through, and realizing you aren't responsible for what happens after you do your part and step out.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine from the states was due to arrive that afternoon, and hadn't- we were frantically trying to check facebook, email, and flight schedules with no answers so back "home" staff was waiting... and I was struggling not to get stressed.

Nicholas desperately wanted us to drop him off at his mom's house so he could rest... Ella decided to go back to the hospital to see about having him admitted and watched, turns out he had Typhoid and had she delayed half an hour they would've been planning another funeral. Arrangements were made for cousins to transport us back while Ella stayed in Nakuru but while they were on their way to meet us their breaks went out (see what I mean about spiritual warfare?!) So Faith, Larry, and a concerned about her fellow muzungu (btw, if you haven't googled that already, it means white person) somewhat stressed Joy boarded a shuttle to venture back. We made it to Nairobi with still no word on the Muzungu (Kyle) then Larry and I hopped on a noisy Matatu to finish the trip to Kitengel, from there we took Piki Pikis back to the house (motorcycle rides!) and arrived to find Kyle at the house... when his flight got rerouted it hadn't clicked to get ahold of me somehow but at last the insane weekend was over!

.... This is one of those ridiculous updates that's taken far too long because there was too much to share and I couldn't sort my thoughts- long overdue... so finally, this last week...

Things have been going really well at the centre, I love the kids and have been celebrating small milestones I've seen. Sembeo was able to count to 100 and only got 2 wrong on her math test (teacher Joyce was shocked!) the babies LOVE one of the songs I wrote, and keep singing it during class... I've also somehow become designated devotional leader, both at the house as well as the centre... all of a sudden I have 80 some disciples? I'm actually in the process of revamping the way devotionals are approached with the kids- trying to make it more applicable and understandable to them and the teachers love it. Perhaps the most touching thing? Seeing how many of these kids, when asked to write about ways they could be light to the world talked about sharing with the poor and needy. Humbling.

In other news, my heart hurts to stay longer... I just desperately want to be wherever God wants me, doing what he wants me to do... regardless of the costs. Time will tell.

What is Beautiful...

What is beautiful...

Knowing you are in exactly the right place at the right time, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

When I arrived in Kenya I anticipated diving in, but wasn't entirely sure what that would look like. Things were a bit hectic as the Directors mom recently passed away so the family's been busy with funeral arrangements. First surprise: teaching... they are pretty short staffed and one teacher has been in charge of both the toddlers and what we would classify as kindergarteners- all of a sudden I'm playing kindergarten teacher. Overwhelming? Yes. Incredible? Absolutely.

There have been a handful of moments where I really feel like I'm getting the eyes of Jesus... one girl in particular has really captivated my heart. Sembeo is 13, but is in my class because this is the first time she's ever been able to attend school- the tribe she's from doesn't value education. I watch as she painstakingly tries to do everything perfectly... she is so hungry to learn. I noticed that she was often struggling to keep up with the other kids so I've gotten in the habit of setting the work up on the chalkboard(yes we still use those here!) explaining it, then stopping to guide her and Zipporah (another newer child) through things a bit more slowly. She takes extra time to do it exactly right... and will notice her own mistakes and correct them- she's smart, just never had the chance to learn. Sembeo didn't know how to write her name yet, we practiced that today, and when she figured out how to do it on her own her face lit up. She stayed late just to practice, and practically skipped to lunch. Knowing that you matter is important. This moment took my breath away...

There is almost always at least 2 children holding my hands (yes- at times two will grab one- they're good at sharing) during their break I wound up with 20 children attempting to pile in my lap at once, and 2 standing behind me playing with my hair. It is perhaps, the best way to spend an afternoon.

There's already been a lot of talk about purpose and vision... Ella (the directors daughter) wants me to help organize a benefit show here- and there's even talk of recording an album with the kids- could be a fun project. We all sang together this morning, and again this afternoon... another one of those instances where you know you are right where you belong. Its already been stated that this is just the start of a bigger ministry the Lord has for me in Africa. Twice... The Lord only knows what will unfold- I just keep moving forward.

Beautiful is passionately pursuing your purpose, and helping other people find theirs.
Beautiful is holding a toddler who's soaked from an accident during nap
Beautiful is four girls crowding around to "plait" your hair, sometimes tugging a bit too hard, while singing songs about Jesus
Beautiful is 20 orphans singing the song "How He Loves" because it's true...
Beautiful is an orphans smile when they feel loved
Beautiful is the hands of an orphan, intertwined with yours
Beautiful is a 13 year old learning how to write her name... the smile on her face that comes when she succeeds... and the fact that she realizes she matters.

Life is beautiful.