Why Leaving is Hard

Almost every day someone asks if I'm excited. I say yes.

I'm not always sure that's true.

Last night my friend Juli asked what I'd do if I had the opportunity to live in Africa long term... I'd do it.

Why this terrifies me? because I dont want to.

There are two sides to every story and I think often times people look at me and see an adventurous spirit... others have identified me as flighty... the surface is deceiving. There is a part of me that longs for consistency, stability... I look around and see people advancing in career paths, starting families. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that. But I want to follow Christ more.

There is no way you can walk through something like this and expect things to stay the same. Even when I come back the world I return to will have changed... I will have changed. In a sense I feel like I never really know what I'm saying goodbye to when I leave.

And then there's the fact that if I felt called to stay, I'd stay- but I'd miss my friends, my family... my life.

Why do I do it then?

Obedience.

I want to be where God wants me- even if there's pain in the process

I've counted up the cost, and You are worth it.

Final Preparations

I made the mistake of looking back through old blog entries a bit ago. Funny how easily we forget who we are... and how your own words can resonate and convict you: 

"There's something about being where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing. Its my heart. I met up with my grandparents for a bit before the flight Monday afternoon, and as my grandpa said "See you in a month" grandma piped in, "You honestly think she'll be back in a month?" I gave her a funny look, but she followed with "I just know you and where your heart is..." My heart. Funny how far away I can find myself from that. When I first moved back to Minnesota I was yet again attempting to establish roots, convincing myself staying put was a good option- problem is, its not me. I guess you could say I dont want to just live in the world around me- I want to change it. My heart is for the orphans, the forgotten, and abandoned of the world and I realize it has been for a long time. I would give anything to spend the rest of my life working as an overseas missionary focused on orphan care...Now its just figuring out the long term when and where. So, we'll see. I know He's up to something- so much about how everything came about makes that painstakingly clear. Just waiting to hear His voice."

As I prepare for Africa there are so many details that still need to come together in the next week. On some level I'm terrified... a lot of people seem to think I'm staying a lot longer than may (beginning to think everyone but me knows what's going on!) Trying to finish organizing a benefit show, praying for the living expenses to be covered, dreading saying goodbye- knowing that when I return life will have gone on and it cant go back to what it was. Yet for the most part there really is an incredible peace that comes when you know that you are going in exactly the right direction. I know something crazy is happening in this next season, but I'm not entirely sure how it will all unfold- I just have to keep walking forward in the direction of my dreams.

Kenya 2013

"The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

If you've known me for any amount of time you've likely heard me talk about two things. Africa and orphans... If you want to get me fired up ask me specifically about God's heart for the orphans and the churches responsibility to care for them. I get a bit passionate. My heart? To love the least, the lost, the broken... there are so many children- most of whom, without someone coming into their lives will never know what it's like to experience a tangible form of love on earth. My heart breaks for the forgotten and abandoned- I wish I could somehow rescue every single one of them- but there's only one me. I just want others to encounter Jesus through my life, through simple acts of willful obedience, and let me tell you friends, one of us alone can't do a whole lot- but if each of us responded with love when we see a need imagine how different the world would look.

What does this mean? I keep passionately pursuing my God given purpose- keep running forward in this crazy adventure called life, wherever He leads me. Next step? Kenya. I'll be leaving in February to spend roughly 3 months serving at a couple different ministries- a lot of my time will be spent at the Brydges centre- a home that takes in the most vulnerable orphans from the slums and provides them with shelter education and training to become self reliant and skilled in the future, Bob and Nancy are also connecting me with some other incredible connections to work with a couple who rehabilitates a nurtures infants before they are able to go into an orphanage, as well as another who goes into the slums and works with the children there- this isn't going to be a fluffy trip... I'm getting ready to go into a world where I'll truly encounter "the least of these" I dont entirely know what to expect- but I'm prepared to be forever changed and broken in a good way. 

How you can help:

PRAYER!! Yes, this sounds cliche' but its incredibly true- the next few months will be intense and though I'm traveling solo I cant tell you how blessed I am to know I'm not "going alone"

Specific prayer needs

• Health- I want the time there to count! Pray that I manage to avoid any bugs that could detract from time spent
• Safety- both while traveling and living
• Impact- as opportunities present themselves that God'll get me where he wants me and the time will be valuable with a lasting influence on the community I'm serving
• Finances- holding a benefit on the 28th- that it will be fruitful and basic needs will be met, also that airfair surfaces quickly so my ticket can be booked while prices are still reasonable
• Each of the children I encounter- that they will one day encounter and know a God who loves them

Thanks for joining me on this journey, whether it be in prayer, financially, or just tracking the adventure! I appreciate and love you all more than you know!