Positioning Moves...

I sit in a small Antigua cafe, watching horse drawn carriages clip clop by while sipping horchata (rice milk drink) and begin to rummage through my purse- hoping to find something to read as I wait for my salad- tucked inside my bible I find a reading entitled "Overcoming Blocks and Hinderances to hearing God's voice." (It had been from a bible study meeting months ago and for some reason I still hung on to it) As I began to read I felt as if these particular words were a message straight from God to me:

"...some of God's commands are simply positioning moves and are never meant to be fully carried out. Instead, God re-directs us in midstream. An example of this may be seen in Genesis 22, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. However, as Abraham began to act in obedience to this order, God changed it, telling him not to sacrifice his son. Now was Abraham's first word from the Lord wrong? No, God was simply positioning Abraham in order to fulfill one of God's goals for his life. Once the test was completed, God discontinued the action midstream with new orders."

This was one of the biggest aspects of my testimony that was wripped appart- I was told God's calling is irrevocable, and if I don't follow it blood is on my hands- later in the final meeting I had with Becky, she disected my entire testimony, essentially establishing it as invalid, telling me that God wasn't really ordering all these steps or calling me all these places- I was simply running from His calling. Now, perhaps I've had more postitioning moves than some- particularily for my age, but each and every one of them came with fruit... I've encountered different people along the way, shared my faith, developed some of my closest relationships... I am choosing to rest in the fact that that's what they were- God's moves to fufill HIS goal for my life.

It still hurts.