I'm going to be honest and admit, life since coming back has been rough. I hit the ground running jumping into two jobs, overcommitting myself left and right- hoping that as things just fell into place it was a "God Thing." Quickly realized that not all good things are His thing for you as I hit wall after wall, crashed, burned, and completely withdrew from society. Lately have been struggling to hit the restart button and feeling overlooked. Reality: When you leave life keeps happening. I returned to a different world than I left, even though I didn't make any sudden changes in plans this time (no deciding to relocate at the last minute!) the people I'd considered my circle, my community have shifted into new season. People got married, others are successful in their business ventures, others moved- all great things but makes for a very disoriented Joy. I kind of had a silly breakdown last night feeling like the number of people around me who cared to know my heart- cared to figure out why I'm sad when I'm sad, happy when I'm happy had quickly dwindled. My brain understands that Jesus is enough and that he sees me and cares but sometimes my heart struggles with the follow through...
I was expressing those frustrations to Laura as we walked around uptown after dinner. Talking about how frustrating it is to come back here and feel like you cease to make a difference in the world. How desperately I want to be somewhere... being Jesus to the world around me and how tired I am of waiting on Gods timing to run off and love on orphans somewhere when Luel walked up.
Luel has recently moved here from DC for work, and tonight while waiting at the bus stop had her purse stolen- leaving her stranded, panicked and feeling utterly alone. She felt bad approaching us and as we walked into Mcdonalds so she could get something to eat before we sent her home on the bus there were tears in her eyes- she wanted my address to pay me back, and started crying when I refused... as we hugged and I prayed for her I couldn't help thinking how much she'd actually blessed me. We both needed that reminder that God does care and everything is going to be alright- oftentimes its about so much more than a bite to eat or a couple bucks... its about taking the time to see people, seeing how much value they really have. I think of how often my day completely turned around- typically the result of someone elses small obedience- we really can be someone elses miracle, just by taking the time to love them.
I was expressing those frustrations to Laura as we walked around uptown after dinner. Talking about how frustrating it is to come back here and feel like you cease to make a difference in the world. How desperately I want to be somewhere... being Jesus to the world around me and how tired I am of waiting on Gods timing to run off and love on orphans somewhere when Luel walked up.
Luel has recently moved here from DC for work, and tonight while waiting at the bus stop had her purse stolen- leaving her stranded, panicked and feeling utterly alone. She felt bad approaching us and as we walked into Mcdonalds so she could get something to eat before we sent her home on the bus there were tears in her eyes- she wanted my address to pay me back, and started crying when I refused... as we hugged and I prayed for her I couldn't help thinking how much she'd actually blessed me. We both needed that reminder that God does care and everything is going to be alright- oftentimes its about so much more than a bite to eat or a couple bucks... its about taking the time to see people, seeing how much value they really have. I think of how often my day completely turned around- typically the result of someone elses small obedience- we really can be someone elses miracle, just by taking the time to love them.
